GIRLS in the ARMY
Russian Army
Israel Army
Indian Army
US Army
Brazilian Army
Korean Army
Chinese Army
& finally
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Pakistan Army
Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
The Starbucks Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.
Cognizant Method:
hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him 65 gobi to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
however give them the same amount 65 gobi to eat
hire 200 more……. and more …….
TCS Method:
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration
IBM’s method:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …
he dies of unemployment…
Syntel Method:-
Hire a Cat …
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….
MBT Method:
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain?
i-Flex Method:
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion
COSL Method:
hire a lion .
tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance…
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat….
Polaris Method :
hire ..sorry….purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..
Capgemini Method:
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…
the lion dies before joining….
Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day……..!!!!
HUAWEI Method:
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion…
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends…
No time for food and family, automatically die
Accenture Method:
Hire a lion….
Take his CAMS assignment 2 times a year followed by Performance appraisals.
Ask him for lots of My Leanings on line …
Send him to Chennai/HYD/BLG;but yes don’t give him/her his/her home town.
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time or Give him/her projects .
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls Only Attitude of HR girls.
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion iif he is aTiger or lion……
THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST
INFOSYS Method:
HIRE A LION…..
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
…………………………………………….KING OF THE JUNGLE! J
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
………………………………………LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
……………………………………………CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG
…………………………………….MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
………………………………………….MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE… :-) 
This is how software engineers die in India.